Sometimes in a dream
by Elliac
Summary: Yullen week 2011 - Starlight. The weird dreams started, then he saw Allen, stuck in the darkness of guilt. What a troublesome Moyashi. Rated T for Kanda's mouth.


Disclaimer : I don't own -man. Never did, never will.

**Sometimes in a dream**

Clangs of metal against metal rang through his ears continuously. He pierced through the enemy akuma easily before blocking a swipe from another level 3 akuma. Again and again, he parried and blocked the enemy, baring breaking a sweat from battling with it. Then a scream pierced through his entire being. Time seemed to slow as he swirled his head towards his companion's direction. His eyes widened in shock as an akuma bullet shot through her chest. It seemed so vague yet so real. Feelings surged as his companion fell to her knees before finally collapsing to the ground. She laid there, still and unmoving. Time really seemed to have stopped. Allen screamed.

* * *

><p>Kanda stepped through the wooden door to the head supervisor's office. He'd finally reached back to the Order after half a month's mission to the other end of the country. "Welcome home, Kanda-san!" Lenalee greeted cheerfully, passing him a mug.<p>

"There was no innocence," the samurai informed Komui who had just looked up from his piles of paper on the table.

"Yes, I heard. Thank you Kanda-kun. Take a break for the next week or so." Komui thanked before returning his focus to the work in front of him.

Kanda grunted, taking a sip from the mug. His face twisted, inwardly cursing the supposed green tea in the mug. It was definitely not green tea, not with this utterly bitter and sour taste. Passing the horrible drink back to Lenalee, he promptly exited the room.

Komui scanned his desk as if looking for something. "Lenalee," he chirped. "Where's my blue mug?" His sister turned around and pointed at the mug in her hand. He frowned, hoping his thoughts to be untrue. "Did you let Kanda drink it?"

Lenalee nodded. "Wasn't it green tea for him?" she asked, wondering why her brother was so worked up about a cup of tea. Her brother's jaw dropped almost to the point of dislocating.

"My experiment!" Komui cried out, looking rather disturbed. Lenalee stared at her brother, mouthing, 'What!' What exactly had she given Kanda?

* * *

><p>That night, the nightmares started, barely noticable, but still there. Kanda blinked open his eyes, sitting up immediately. His breath came in quick bursts, him heart racing. Beads of sweat lined his forehead and framed his face. Confusion clouded his mind, stopping all his thoughts. He couldn't remember anything, except that he had a nightmare. It was familiar, as if he'd experienced it before. Still, it felt foreign, as if his mind had been invaded by something so strong and overwhelming. Wait, he pulled the brakes on that train of thought. This was so wrong, in the first place, he didn't have nightmares. He couldn't remember when he last had one, not that he dreamt much at all. And secondly, why was he getting so worked up about nothing more than a simple dream? This was so wrong, so wrong…<p>

* * *

><p>The following nights continued in a similar manner. The irritating nightmare that became clearer by the day, more vivid, more detailed. Kanda realised it was a scene from a mission that occurred at least a month ago, a scene that any 'normal' person would consider more than gruesome. Something was still off about the dreams, but he couldn't pinpoint it, for no matter how much he thought, he couldn't remember anything more than the hoard of akuma surrounding him. Adding to that were the weird feelings, mostly of guilt and sorrow that came with the nightmares, feelings he knew definitely weren't his. The guilt invaded his nights and filled his thoughts in the day. He couldn't figure out what was happening and for a moment, Kanda considered insanity.<p>

By the fourth night, Kanda had had enough with the crazy dreams. He couldn't stand the restless nights any longer. As the nightly scene reappeared in his vision, it seemed so much more vivid than the last. Once again, he was battling against a hoard of Level 2 akuma. He slashed though the enemy with his broadsword, causing the akuma to explode into ash, filling the air with grey snow. A broadsword? When did he used such a weapon? His innocence took the form of Mugen! While his actions continued with a god like fluidity, he turned his head to survey his surroundings.

There was the finder, lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, his coat soaked crimson red. Jenny, a new exorcist on her second mission was in the center of the clearing, fighting against a level 2 akuma. Then finally, Kanda noticed through the mist on the other side of the clearing, was himself.

'What the hell?' was the first thought that flashed through the samurai's mind, before the pile of questions that followed, none of them he could answer. Only then did he realise that he was in the moyashi's point of view. Just as he came to that conclusion, a scream pierced his ears.

Blood spurt a few feet into the air, the coppery smell immediately hitting his nose, so strong he could almost taste it, causing his stomach to lurch. But these senses weren't his own, they were the moyashi's, every touch, smell and taste.

* * *

><p>Everything faded to black. This, like the previous nights, was when he would wake up, drenched in cold sweat, the memory of the dream nothing but a blur of colors and shapes. But now, Kanda was engulfed in total darkness, robbed of his senses. The deafening silence started ringing in his ears and the air was thick and suffocating as he stood in the nothingness. Kanda took a step forward, the ground was solid. He started Nalking forward, his mind chaotic and confused. There was no end to the darkness. No matter how long he walked, it was still pitch-black and cold.<p>

He slowed his pace, his footsteps coming to a stop. With his mind clouded and frantic, he hadn't even realized that his heart was pounding. How would he have found a way out of this endless darkness? Kanda breathed in, trying to calm his thoughts. He cleared his mind of all thoughts, erased the memories of the nightmares, trying to find a solution even through the confusion of the whole situation. Finally, his mind calmed and slowed, and Kanda heard a voice, more of a sob. It echoed in the darkness, as if it was the only thing that showed life in this nothingness. Moving towards the sobbing, Kanda came upon a spotlight which under closer inspection contained a teenage boy, the moyashi.

* * *

><p>Allen Walker was seated on the ground, his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms hugging himself tightly. The shivering boy continued sobbing, he hadn't noticed the other. Kanda stared at the figure of Allen, it seemed too real to be a dream, to see the moyashi so fragile instead of his usual gentlemanly smile.<p>

"Oi, Moyashi." Kanda spoke, towering over Allen.

"Eh? Who are you?" The boy raised his head slowly, his eyes were glazed over. Even when he was looking directly at Kanda, Allen seemed to be looking past him.

"Have you gone blind?" Kanda insulted.

"Ah, Kanda." After that sentence, Allen returned to his unresponsive state and buried his head in his arms once more.

What the hell was wrong with the moyashi? Kanda growled, he really felt like slicing the younger boy up.

"Get up." Kanda commanded.

Allen kept silence, continuing to sob. Then he started murmuring to himself, rocking his body back and forth. "I didn't save her… I didn't save her…" Fresh tears streamed down his pale face, leaving streaks that glistened in the light.

As if a light bulb lit up, Kanda knew where the conversation was going. How dumb could the beanspout get!

"Che. This is a fucking war! There's bound to be casualties."

"But it was only her second mission, and I let her die."

"For fuck's sake, get over it! No one asked you to save her and neither is anyone blaming you for her death."

"I should have saved her. It is my duty."

"Stop pitying yourself, it was no one's duty to save her, every man's for himself in this war. When you really fail at doing something you were supposed to do, then go and pity yourself!"

Kanda tried pulling Allen up by the arm and the other got to his feet slowly. Though his eyes were still glazed over, it seemed like Kanda had jolted some sense into him. The samurai grabbed Allen's hand tightly, as if the boy would just slip away and continue causing problems in his sleep. He pulled the boy as they walked into the darkness. The spotlight disappeared.

"Where're we going?" Allen asked, wondering why Kanda even tried walking. There was no way out of the pitch-black darkness. He had walked every night for the past month but hadn't gotten anywhere. Kanda didn't reply, but just tugged Allen closer to himself, as if shielding him, protecting him. They wandered into the empty space and finally, there appeared a light. To Allen, it had meant so much, the light at the end of this suffocating tunnel, plaguing his dream at night, making him feel so guilty. Pulling Allen into the beam of light, they blink and found themselves in a field of grass next to a slope. In the center was a large patch of flowers and bushes, more like a garden.

"Where are we?" Allen asked curiously, getting back some of his cheerfulness after being relieved of the never-ending darkness.

"My dream." Kanda replied quietly.

Slowly, Allen moved towards the center garden. "It's beautiful," he commented. He bent down, touching one of the pink flower petals, trying to see if it was real.

A gentle wind blew past, the whole garden moving with it. Illuminated by the pale starlight, the garden glowed, giving off an unearthly feel. Allen looked back, wondering where Kanda was, scared that the other would just disappear on him.

Kanda was lying on the sloping, looking up into the night sky, his hands resting under his head. The younger boy smiled before strolling up to Kanda, plopping himself down beside the other.

"This place, it's beautiful," Allen told Kanda, staring at the samurai for a moment. The place was so unreal, Allen believed he wouldn't be able to find such a scene in reality. It was perfect, perfection at its best, just like Kanda.

"Che. It's just a dream."

"Yeah." Allen was silent for a few moments, his eyes still on Kanda as if deep in thought.

"Kanda. Are you really real? Or are you just a figment of my imagination?"

"What kind of dumb question is that, Moyashi? Of course I'm real!"

"Then why're we talking in a dream? Must be that weird drink Komui gave me…" Allen muttered to himself.

"I took a sip of some bitter drink when I came back a few days ago."

"Komui." The two voiced simultaneously, what experiments was the head supervisor up to again...

The two were silent for a while, Allen appreciating the peacefulness of the dream. It really felt like heaven to him after being put through a month of nightmares. The garden was quiet, but not silent. There was the stray breeze that blew past, causing the plants rustle and sway gracefully. Allen looked up and his breath was taken away. The stars were stunning, a whole array that filled this eternal night sky, giving of a soft glow that was pleasant to the eyes. He felt like he could stare up at them forever.

"They're amazing." Allen breathed.

The older pointed up at a group of stars. "That's the ursa minor," he traced the outline of a dipper with his finger.

"And that's the ursa major." Allen stared into the sky, trying to follow the shapes Kanda was tracing.

"And that's the north star." Kanda continued, pointing to a star he'd traced in the ursa minor, his eyes never leaving the stars. "It always appears due north." The samurai brought his hand down and rest it on the grass beside Allen.

"Thanks Kanda," the boy smiled warmly, slowly placing a hand on Kanda's. The other didn't move his hand away, letting Allen's warmth seep into him.

"Che." Kanda turned his head slightly to look Allen in the eye. As much as all Kanda said was 'Che', Allen knew it was his way of saying 'No problem'. Allen's smile widened and he held Kanda's hand lightly.

"Thanks," he murmured once more.

"Moyashi."

* * *

><p>Sometimes, if you wander in the black nothingness of your dreams, you'll come across a garden surrounded by a grass field. It grows a large variety of plants, from deep red roses to nicely pruned shrubs. And more often than not, you'll find two figures sitting on the slope leading to said garden, lying on the fresh green grass, admiring the clear view of the sky, soft starlight making them seem to glow. Together they lie, their hands entwined between them. Sometimes…<p> 


End file.
